Thursday, June 28, 2007

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

44. First a Veggie's Retort, Then the Aftermath!

This incident happened when I was in Philadelphia. I was out for lunch with my Indian manager. During our conversations while standing in the queue to order food, he figured out that I was a vegetarian. You might by now would have realized how much I hate answering those FAQs on my vegetarianism. No wonder!

My manager got perplexed about my conditioning.
"But you are a Prabhu, a GSB Konkani...."

I won't blame him. If you didn't know, it's a well known fact that Konkanis can't live without fish. After all, Konkan region is located along India's western coastline, starting from Gujarat (part), through Maharashtra, Goa and Karnataka, and upto Kerala, where seafood dishes are specialties.

Out came the question, which I was very well expecting:
"... how come you are a vegetarian?"

Without bating an eyelid, I let my hunger speak for itself with a straight face:
"Right now I am not representing my community!"

Yes! Those were the exact words! I remember them distinctly!

How much more blunt can you be! That too to an Indian manager, as managers from India are known to behave like managers even beyond office hours! Now when I look back, I find my tongue in cheek comment too harsh for the occasion. But what to do? Words once spoken are oft remembered and make way into party fodder and blog postings!

Luckily, this manager was of understanding type and accepted that this was my individuality, to go away from the norm. Thank God!

Now for the post lunch special:


Tuesday, June 12, 2007

43. To Prove and To Conclude!

If you have solved any mathematical question of the Prove-That type, you would know that to get full marks, you are supposed to follow a set pattern while answering that question:

Start with what you know and build on it by using known theorems/axioms while keeping track of whether you are getting closer to what you want to prove, and then finally, when you have achieved your destined equation mentioned in the question paper, you end your answer with a concluding statement --

LEFT HAND SIDE (L.H.S.) = RIGHT HAND SIDE (R.H.S.), HENCE PROVED!

What makes that final statement so special? Why do the examiners insist on you writing it? If you skip the final statement, should you be given any marks? Alternately, if you simply wrote the final statement as your answer without really proving the equation, should you be given any marks?

If you ask me, both are vital -- the proving steps, as well as the final statement.

NOTE: I am talking of Prove-That questions which you are solving on your own, and not the ones which you learnt by heart the previous night or the ones which you copied from your neighbor in the exam hall.

Let me take you backwards to the point history when a genius by the name of Archimedes got into his bath tub with a perplexing look on his face. This wasn't the first time he was having his bath. Then why did he have to yell out "Eureka" in the midst of his washings, and run to the Royal Palace, unshaven, naked, with his towel-carrying maidservant trying to nab him from behind?!! The steps for the proof (the principle of buoyancy) were there in the bath tub earlier too. Moreover, they were also there in all other bath tubs, not just in Archimedes'. So, what was missing in the proof? It was the "Eureka!" -- the conclusion that 'I have realized it!' And it took an Archimedes to blurt it out, and thus reveal the proof in all it's nakedness for the world to see and admire!

That same "Eureka", the "I got it!" proclamation you have to state in your answer paper in a more dignified form with the statement: "L.H.S. = R.H.S., HENCE PROVED!"

If you don't, then how would the examiner know that you realize that the steps you have written in sequence are actually proving the equation mentioned in the question paper? You can very well write all the right steps in the proof, but still not know that those form the proof! Is it not? If that's the case, then is your answer worthy of any mark?

Let me ask you a question:
What comes first -- your proof, or you realizing that you have proved it?
Take your time and first understand the question. Re-read, if that brings any clarity.

Proving a proposition (or, even disproving it!) is quite logical in approach. But the final step, that "YOU HAVE REALIZED IT" is anything but logical. You can't logically conclude the final statement. You just have to know it! Both the logical and the illogical happen together, in a flash (in Archimedes' case, it was a splash)!

When the mind is standstill, and you are in the present moment, in the NOW, the truth reveals itself!! The veil of ignorance is taken off and the light of knowledge dawns upon you. You are enlightened!

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For the sidebar;
I remember playing a trick on the examiner during one of my Engineering semesters. It was a prove-that type of question on a mathematical equation involving vectors. I started the proof with known statement(s), and after deriving about 3-4 pages of new equations one after another, I had still not reached the unproven equation from the question paper. I knew that I was fairly close. The time, however, was not on my side. At that moment, an idea struck me! I went back to the start of my answer and numbered some of the equations in my proof at random. At the end, I left some space to fill in later through a backtracking process and then entered the most cherished statement in the proof: "L.H.S. = R.H.S., HENCE PROVED!" Then a step above that I wrote the to-be-proved equation. On top of that I wrote another equation which one can easily derive to be same as the to-be-proved equation by rearranging the terms on L.H.S. and R.H.S. Then, the clincher -- link up the flow from the top and the flow from the bottom by the phrase: "From equations 6, 12 and 25, we get--". And thus a charlatan was born!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

42. To the Job Hopper

Does job-hopping, with an eye towards making more money, really help? Of course, it might be remunerative initially, but does it really put you at a better position? Or do you constantly keep track of what you might have achieved had you stayed back, by verifying with your ex-colleagues? And then, do you either feel happy or depressed based on what your ex-colleague tells you?

Here's a conversation I had with an ex-colleague, who left my company for better opportunities some place else. I wish him all the best with all my sincerity. The reason for posting this conversation is not to ridicule him or anything like that. It's just to highlight the vagaries of the mind! (Note: Other than not revealing the company names and salary amount, I haven't modified anything.)

Ex-colleague: How are the allowances now?
me: never heard of them
Ex-colleague: Same old allowances or revised ?
me: will let u know as soon as i get the communique. how are things at your end, allowance wise?
Ex-colleague: its better than [my company]. I get ##K (in $)!
me: Good... keep going... i want to see u at the top of the food chain, and then report to me ...
Ex-colleague: :-)
me: takin time off now... need to get ready to go to office
Ex-colleague: see ya ... keep in touch
me: sure... wud like to know how advanced is ur mobile phone next time :P
Ex-colleague: :-) Till now I dont have it

This ex-colleague was quite open with his income and wasn't insisting on knowing my paycheck contents. But there are others in this Big-Small World, who really, I mean really, want to compare apples and tomatoes! They want to know everything. The size, the color, the texture, the number of seeds inside, you name it, they want to know about it! And when I am put up with such ex-colleagues, I just keep having fun. First I come to know what they have, and independent of this information, act as if I have more than what they can bargain for, without revealing the actual! That surely irks them, and makes them all the more interested in knowing what I am getting because of which I am still with the same damn old company! (A clarification in case my employer is reading this page: the 'damn' medallion is given by them, and not me.)

Such a conversation helps me in performing the witnessing meditation or vipaasana. I keep witnessing my mind, my ego during such occasions. Does it hurt when I come to know that I am not getting a higher pay package than some other fellow, who I know wasn't the smartest workhorse when he was around? As soon as such a thought arises, I get another one: What if I had that pay package? What next? How long will I be happier with that? Is that the ultimate, or enough? Will there be no more subsequent desires?

Where does this all end? This greed for more green papers! Where will it end? And now it's digital cash! Unless you are a daily-wage laborer, you don't even see the damn money for real! You invest your hard earned dollars in stocks and it plummets to the rock bottom! Then what? You too follow it by jumping from your office window located some 50 floors above the jhopad-patti level, huh?! Hope you caught the drift...

As for me, lets say I invest in a $5.00(+ tax) lottery ticket because of a pleasant dream I had the night before, and all you know, I win the million-dollar prize! Do you then call me successful and be jealous of me?

You see, I have this mindset -- go for the permanent. It's in my psyche. Anything temporary doesn't keep me interested for long. If you tell me about a new certification program which will fetch me a few dollars more but with a re-certification every five years, chances are, I won't even read the prospectus.

The point I am trying to make, if you haven't yet caught the drift while going down the 50-storey office building, is that your sense of happiness, or contentment currently lies in your mindspace. A small waft of wind, a small rumor, some new information can take it away from you in no time. Instead, try to expand your inner space, and enjoy the bliss within, which can never be found without. The rest will be taken care of, by itself!

An anecdote as recollected by Deepak Chopra about his decision to go to India and stay there for a few years under his spiritual Guru, Maharshi Mahesh Yogi's tutelage. (Taken from a youtube video.) His wife, Rita, being concerned about their mortgage payments and their two small kids, asked the Guru, "Where is the money going to come from?" The Guru retorted, "Money will come from wherever it is at the moment!" That statement hit it's mark, and with his family's approval he finally made to India. Rest is history, and a bountiful future.

On that note, I end this post.

PS: If this happens to be my current employer reading this page, I would like to remind you that, whatever it is that I write in this blog, don't ever think that you are giving me the best deal possible! I haven't revealed all my cards yet! Stay tuned, and keep trying to meet my expectations!

Monday, June 04, 2007

41. The Holy Debates - Part Two: The Double-Entendre

This has been put up just for you to enjoy the fun with English Language, and also for me to feel my ego.

One asureshma from the web (can't say a 'he', or a 'she', or an 'it', but in any case, let me assume a 'she' so as to be on the safer side of gender bias) comments on one of Swami Paramahamsa Nithyananda's videos posted on youtube; the numbers at the front indicate the time in the video recording when Swamiji made a statement -- (paraphrased) 'When Mother hands you over to Father, forget whatever you learnt from Mother. Same is true when Father hands you over to Master, and finally when Master hands you over to God. Then there will be nothing to remember. People will remember you.' -- which caused her to raise a brow and type with itchy hands:
48:39-49:18--Instead of forgetting, I prefer to Enrich my knowing from Mother,Father and Master.Moreover I dont seek the fame to remember by people.

My friend, A., who happened to see this comment, asks me, of all people, to reply to it. He, of course, doesn't want to be the only one having fun with replying to idiots, and wants to share this joy with me! What a man! Feel like bestowing him with some honor. Of course, I am no Musharraf. But at least you can understand my sentiments.

I feel like I should start my reply with the salutation, "Dear asur..." Yup! asur means demon in devlok, and it would have pleased Dogbert too! Unfortunately, A. insists that I shouldn't be doing that, and should keep the debate within bounds.

"Just defeat her flawed logic. Be Shankara," were his exact words.
"Adi, or anaadi?"
"Adi!"
Okay. So, here goes my reply (available on the web) -

In Zen, there is a proverb: "If you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha." Do you know why it is said? It's not from a physical plane you should be killing Buddha... If you want to reach the ultimate goal, you have to surpass every step of the way!

Dear asureshma: You say, "I dont seek the fame to remember by people." You need not. You shouldn't. Just be Enlightened, and the unenlightened will follow you! Of course, there will be some with unthoughtful comments, but let us keep them aside. We are talking about you here, aren't we? Be in Bliss, as always!

Noticed the double-entendre?! I bet, both the Shankaras would be proud of me now! As A. remarks: you lovingly sliced her head so smoothly!

Saturday, June 02, 2007

40. When a Veggie gets a Wedgie

'm now watching Showbiz India on Channel#8 (KTSF).

There is Reshma, the TV host, interviewing Neha Dhupia, some Bollywood actress. Neha is here along with a troupe to woo the desis of US with her dance, "and stuff". We learn that Neha is now vegetarian; which of course means, she used to have non-vegeterian food earlier.

Reshma asks Neha, what made her decide to go veggie? Neha replies in the Bollywood 'U-kno' English, "May be, it's the flight from India to New York!" Wah! What a super answer! A stupid question, but a super answer! I will remember to use it the next time I am asked that most frequently asked stupid question.

It reminds me of my experience with an inter-continental flight.

Before you proceed reading any further, time for a WARNING. HAS GRAPHIC CONTENT. Some scenes might not go well with your appetite. Visualize at your own discretion.

It was during one of my annual India trips on the Korean Air, departing from SFO-California, when I had to forcibly fast, thanks to some confusion. If you had ever fasted, you would know that when you fast, the rest of the day seems to never end. What a sluggishly slow sadistic Sun! Look at the power of the letter S. It can convert a laughter into a slaughter!

Enough of alliteration... Taking you back to my story... I had pre-ordered "Hindu meal" on the flight, which for all the holy reasons that come to my holy mind, should be vegetarian, whichever way I look at it. Unfortunately, the Koreans decide what a Hindu eats on their flights! Hare KORishna!

As per the Korean Air website, a Hindu meal, classified under "Religious Meals" section, is:
- Meal prepared for Indian people.
- No beef or pork.

Holy Korean Cow, with those tiny Mongoloid eyes, I say! And ya, Holy to the Korean Pig too! No other specifications, especially on what is included in the Hindu meal is given. This you are supposed to learn when it is served in the flight. Talking of in-flight surprises!

When my food arrived, I opened the main meal package, eager to gulp it in no time. I first thought it was a roasted Korean cauliflower of some tasteless variety. No sooner had I gulped the first piece, than the tiny bulb in my head, which runs on plant energy, lit! Was that a chicken breast I just ate?! Or was it the buttock portion?!!! I never had either of those before, but I was damn sure it had something to do with the rooster family. It surely woke me up from my unconscious eating, and stopped me from doing more harm to the Korean chicken.

When I asked the steward to get me a HINDU meal, I was told, THAT was IT! I felt like expounding on the Sanskrit verse: tat tvam asi, but their broken English left much to desire. Had that chicken been alive, it surely would have sided by me, even though it had to go against its Korean brethren. That, I can bet on!

The bad thing about making a wrong food choice in a two flight trip is that you can't expect anything better in the upcoming flight too! My damn luck! On the next flight, I didn't even attempt to open the packed meal. I wasn't curious to know who will crawl out next.

Finally, the long-drawn-out growlingly empty trip ended with a joyous welcome from my parents. It made worth all the trouble.

[Note: To keep the content of this posting short, I haven't included the portion where the customs officer slaughters a starving veggie. May be next time...]

These days, when I plan my India travel, I ensure that I enquire everything about the food contents before buying the air ticket. The Korean Air's Asian Vegetarian Meal seems palatable to my pate.

While you are here, don't forget to check out the Korean Air website for their understanding of "Strict Asian Vegetarian Meal"!!! It says no to meat, dairy, egg, and root vegetables. If any of you has the courage to order it, do mail me your experiences. I would love to read it with a sadistic smile :-]

Until then, enjoy your weekend.

Friday, June 01, 2007

39. How will an Enlightened Master react now?

A talk by Paramahamsa Nithyananda on His first samadhi experience which happened 17 years ago on Buddha Purnima day, when he was just 12 years of age.

Enjoy! Nithyanandam!