40. When a Veggie gets a Wedgie

'm now watching Showbiz India on Channel#8 (KTSF).

There is Reshma, the TV host, interviewing Neha Dhupia, some Bollywood actress. Neha is here along with a troupe to woo the desis of US with her dance, "and stuff". We learn that Neha is now vegetarian; which of course means, she used to have non-vegeterian food earlier.

Reshma asks Neha, what made her decide to go veggie? Neha replies in the Bollywood 'U-kno' English, "May be, it's the flight from India to New York!" Wah! What a super answer! A stupid question, but a super answer! I will remember to use it the next time I am asked that most frequently asked stupid question.

It reminds me of my experience with an inter-continental flight.

Before you proceed reading any further, time for a WARNING. HAS GRAPHIC CONTENT. Some scenes might not go well with your appetite. Visualize at your own discretion.

It was during one of my annual India trips on the Korean Air, departing from SFO-California, when I had to forcibly fast, thanks to some confusion. If you had ever fasted, you would know that when you fast, the rest of the day seems to never end. What a sluggishly slow sadistic Sun! Look at the power of the letter S. It can convert a laughter into a slaughter!

Enough of alliteration... Taking you back to my story... I had pre-ordered "Hindu meal" on the flight, which for all the holy reasons that come to my holy mind, should be vegetarian, whichever way I look at it. Unfortunately, the Koreans decide what a Hindu eats on their flights! Hare KORishna!

As per the Korean Air website, a Hindu meal, classified under "Religious Meals" section, is:
- Meal prepared for Indian people.
- No beef or pork.

Holy Korean Cow, with those tiny Mongoloid eyes, I say! And ya, Holy to the Korean Pig too! No other specifications, especially on what is included in the Hindu meal is given. This you are supposed to learn when it is served in the flight. Talking of in-flight surprises!

When my food arrived, I opened the main meal package, eager to gulp it in no time. I first thought it was a roasted Korean cauliflower of some tasteless variety. No sooner had I gulped the first piece, than the tiny bulb in my head, which runs on plant energy, lit! Was that a chicken breast I just ate?! Or was it the buttock portion?!!! I never had either of those before, but I was damn sure it had something to do with the rooster family. It surely woke me up from my unconscious eating, and stopped me from doing more harm to the Korean chicken.

When I asked the steward to get me a HINDU meal, I was told, THAT was IT! I felt like expounding on the Sanskrit verse: tat tvam asi, but their broken English left much to desire. Had that chicken been alive, it surely would have sided by me, even though it had to go against its Korean brethren. That, I can bet on!

The bad thing about making a wrong food choice in a two flight trip is that you can't expect anything better in the upcoming flight too! My damn luck! On the next flight, I didn't even attempt to open the packed meal. I wasn't curious to know who will crawl out next.

Finally, the long-drawn-out growlingly empty trip ended with a joyous welcome from my parents. It made worth all the trouble.

[Note: To keep the content of this posting short, I haven't included the portion where the customs officer slaughters a starving veggie. May be next time...]

These days, when I plan my India travel, I ensure that I enquire everything about the food contents before buying the air ticket. The Korean Air's Asian Vegetarian Meal seems palatable to my pate.

While you are here, don't forget to check out the Korean Air website for their understanding of "Strict Asian Vegetarian Meal"!!! It says no to meat, dairy, egg, and root vegetables. If any of you has the courage to order it, do mail me your experiences. I would love to read it with a sadistic smile :-]

Until then, enjoy your weekend.