Friday, November 02, 2007

57. Upcoming Event: Life Bliss Program, San Jose - 17-18 Nov, 2007, Sat-Sun

Date: 17 to 18 Nov 2007, Sat-Sun
Event: Life Bliss Program, Conducted by Swami Medhananda
Venue: Mulberry School, 220 Belgatos Rd., Los Gatos, CA
Contact: Ma Snehamayi (Chitra) Ph: (510) 813-6474
Registration Information: Click Here
More Details About Life Bliss Program: Click Here

If you haven't done this workshop earlier, then don't miss this one! Swami Medhananda is a very senior acharya, and one of the best. He is currently the vice president of Florida based International Vedic Hindu University (http://ivhu.edu).

Following is a flyer for the event:

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

55. 2007 Kumbh Mela at Los Angeles

On Sep 9th 2007, Kumbh Mela was held in Los Angeles, CA. Paramahamsa Nithyananda, a Kumbha Mahamandaleshwar, officiated the event along with Swamis and Monks of other orders. (A Mahamandaleshwar is a spiritual master who has been elevated by his peers to the highest level of traditional, Hindu spiritual guardianship. Today India has 80 Mahamandaleshwars who carry on the work begun by Adi Shankaracharya 1200 years ago.)

My photos from the event (thanks to Xavier John and his camera):



For more information about event, refer to following web-pages:

Saturday, August 04, 2007

54. The Dream Puzzle!

The other day someone in office called for a meeting with an agenda which didn't have anything to do with me, nor my work. I, however, make it a point to attend all such meetings where I neither have to give status updates, nor have the fear of being stuck with an action item.

In the middle of the meeting, I found myself asleep! Slowly the voices in the meeting room started to fade away and an orchestra took over. (Yeah, I have hired an orchestra to play in my dreams.) So, here I was, in the midst of a meeting, enjoying a blissful dream.

In the dream, I was passing by a garden where I overheard a young boy and his nanny, who were having a good time under a cocoa tree. The boy asked his nanny to tell him a story and this is what she narrated*:

"Once upon a time in a city which did not exist, there were three princes who were brave and happy. Of them two were unborn and the third was not conceived. Unfortunately all their relatives died. The princes left their native city to go elsewhere. Very soon they fell into a swoon unable to bear the heat of the sun. Their feet were burnt by hot sand. The tips of grass pierced them. They reached the shade of three trees, of which two did not exist and the third was not even planted. After resting there for some time and eating the fruits of those trees, they proceeded further.

"They reached the banks of three rivers; of them two were dry and in the third there was no water. The princes had a refreshing bath and quenched their thirst in them. They then reached a huge city which was about to be built. Entering it, they found three palaces of exceeding beauty. Of them two had not been built at all, and the third had no walls. They entered the palaces and found three golden plates; two of them had been broken into two and the third had been pulverised. They took hold of the one which had been pulverised. They took ninety-nine minus one hundred grams of rice and cooked it. They then invited three holy men to be their guests; of them two had no body and the third had no mouth. After these holy men had eaten the food, the three princes partook of the rest of the food cooked. They were greatly pleased. Thus they lived in that city for a long long time in peace and joy. My child, this is an extremely beautiful legend; pray remember this always, and you will grow up into a learned man."

It really was a funny story, and considering that it was told by someone who had crossed 60, I dismissed it completely from my mind and moved on in my seemingly endless dream.

A few feet ahead, I happened to notice something glittery. So I went closer to investigate further. To my utter delight, I could make out that it was a diamond! A very big one at that! It however had fallen in a small cavity near the road side. With no other means but my bare hands to take it out, I inserted my right hand and got hold of the diamond. The neck of the hole seemed to be too small for me to take my fist out with the diamond clasped in it!

Now here I am, one hand stuck in a cavity† making me unable to come out of my dream, while my colleagues, unaware of my fate, debating amongst themselves in the meeting room!

How shall I come out of my dream and get on with the meeting?
Can you help?

___________________________________________________

*The nanny's story has been taken from the book Vasistha's Yoga, translated/expounded by Swami Venkatesananda, unabridged version, Page 122-123.

This is how you can catch a monkey alive. Better watch the movie Animals Are Beautiful People, and see for yourself. It's a 1974 documentary on the wildlife of the Namib Desert, directed and written by Jamie Uys, who is more famous for the movie: The Gods Must Be Crazy.

Friday, August 03, 2007

53. Vijay Singh on a Mini-Golf Turf!

This is a video of Vijay Singh playing on a mini-golf turf for the first time in his life! (That's me, having a bad hair day!) Enjoy the ups and downs!

Please bear with the delayed audio. Actually, you will enjoy more because of the delay!

Can you tell what Mr. Singh's last words were?

Monday, July 16, 2007

52. Stuck on an Escalator

What can you possibly do if you are stuck on an escalator?

If you have better ideas than the folks in the following video clip, please send in your comments.



Sunday, July 08, 2007

50. To the Blogger in Me

It seems like only yesterday, but it's been ONE WHOLE YEAR since my psychiatrist told me, better leave, or I will shoot, right now, right here!

Thank you,
My dear young & bold readers.
Without your encouragement, I wouldn't have realized
a BLOGGER resides in me!

Hope, my blog postings in turn have
helped you fire your psychiatrist
and throw away your mask.

It's been a fun ride
to be a one year old again,
to be as I am,
not bothered about the whole wide world
which at times laughs with me
and at times, laughs at me!

May there be more1st B'days like t h e s e!
amen!


It's truly been a remarkable and adventurous ride, worthy of mentioning in, where else... a blog posting! I never thought I would get the fame and status just by writing a blog! Actually, I didn't even know that there was a Blogger inside me who was trying to come out!

When you live in a paradise, nobody wants to read your two-line story: "Once upon a time, there lived me! And I lived happily ever after!" Huh! So I started with writing on a few "mental" topics [1,2,5,6,8,14,15,19,21,22,23,25]. Only when I celebrated my 29th birthday [26-29] did I realize that my generic reader (that's majority amongst you), was not ready for them yet! (Not that I have totally stopped writing on these topics [32,43,47].)

In order to not lose your attention* by writing too abstract, I had to add some juicy stories, and anecdotes, thanks at large for inspirations from my interactions with Orkut pals [3,16], roomies [35,36], my manager [44], office colleagues [24,42], my dad [46], my masseuse [4], chat-room pals [34], professional debaters on the web [36,41], mischief mongers on the phone [30], the sexy belly dancer [50], and what else? Newspaper articles and events around the globe [12,13,48], TV shows [7,49], my travels [33,40] and ya, Gods and Gurus [9,10,11,17,18,20,31] too! I hope I have made you seriously interested in spirituality through my writings, which was my initial inspiration for writing this blog in the first place, no hiding that! [38,39,45]

Talking of fame, now I realize what it is like to be a celebrity and being followed by paparazzi! These days, when I am at the shopping mall or any other public place for that matter, scantily clad chicks, don't know from where they come, but they know where I am at all times, ask me to pose with them for photographs, videographs, and also request for my autograph on obscene body locations, like the backside of their necks! (Yes, I am decent, and hence call even that obscene!)

Even my colleagues at work have started bribing me to get their photos, their kids' photos, and their pet photos (which they proclaim as "cho-cute"; not that they have to be always right simply because they work in my office), their family album, all of those photos, everything, on my blog! Huh! Just tell me, had I acceded to such requests, would I be having a fan following which I am enjoying today? Tell me honestly.

A drawback of being a famous blogger is that people are cautious when they interact with you. I can see that happening already. So, once in a while when there is a dearth of real life incidents which are bloggable, I have to invent characters, like Aamir Bahaauddin Tyaagi and his many Arab wives [37] (I am not sure of their nationalities, but that's been my best guess so far), so as to keep you, my dear reader, entertained.

I hope you have enjoyed this journey as much as I have, if not more, and are eagerly waiting for my next blog posting. Please send me your comments and let me know which aspects of (or postings in) my blog you liked, or didn't like! As they say in any feedback form: 'Your feedback is important to us'! I don't know if they mean it, but I surely do!

Oh yeah! One more thing. I don't use smileys in my blog postings, but just for a couple of you who have brought it to my notice, here goes one --> ;)

Cheers! Enjoy some Belly Dance!




________________________
* Did you know that the attention span of an average internet surfer makes even a goldfish feel better? Ya, its true! That's why there have been so many e-newspapers lately! You start to read a news story on one news-site, lose interest, go to another news-site and finish your story there, unwittingly! Here's a challenge for those nay-sayers: Try to read this news article in its entirety and in one sitting!

Note: Even though Aamir is my creation, I have no right to choose his wives. I believe in Free-Will and, when it comes to marriage, the Law of Karma!

Saturday, July 07, 2007

49. A Movie Trivia Question...

Just in case you choose my blog as the subject for BBC's Mastermind India, I have to put up some trivia once in a while so that Quizmaster Siddhartha Basu has some good questions to test your memorizing skills! So here goes one:

Q. Which is the only movie (to date) I have watched in a movie theater unaccompanied by my relatives/friends?


48. In the Name of Thy God in Dog-Heaven...

Mumbai, it seems, has woken up to the stray dog menace. Bruhan-Mumbai Municipal Corporation (BMC) Chief Jayraj Pathak has gone to the extent of saying, "Kill all stray dogs!"

BMC is now planning to appeal to the Supreme Court the right to "kill" this menace, which of course is opposed by dog lovers seated in lavish homes with 10 acres of backyard enclosed by 10 feet high compound walls and who have no one but their pomeranians to make them feel like the most important persons on this planet!

According to "unofficial" figures, there are about 2 lakh stray dogs in Mumbai alone! I think we should stop relying on 1990 census data (is someone maintaining this website?) and redo the counts this year. And this time, the survey questions should also include breed, creed, caste, race, religion by birth, religion by faith, religion by marriage, privileges enjoyed to-date based on minority quota, nationality (we don't want our tourism industry to lose their valued clients, do we?), educational qualification, bank balance and other assets, profession, value addition to the country, and so forth, barring gender (no gender bias, please!). That would help the BMC determine how many sterilization syringes to order, how many butchers to hire, and how many electrocution chairs to purchase; not to forget the imported vanilla coated dog biscuits for mutts with good Samaritan behavior, such as for this dog which saved a 7-year old boy named Dinakaran (that's the name of the boy, not the dog) when the Tsunami hit their town!

Meanwhile, I have just now received breaking news on my blueberry* from an unnamed source† in Mumbai: The dog lovers have sued BMC for calling them bitches! How insulting, imbecile, ironical!

___________
* I know you will say, "It's called blackberry, idiot!", but mind you, you haven't seen my berry yet!
His father forgot to give him a name.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

47. Behind Your Mask!

Lets listen to what Franco, the Clown, has to say in this less than 3 minutes long movie clip.





For some more interesting videos and other stuff from Nic Ascew, an English filmmaker, go to http://www.monday9am.tv/monday9amblog

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

46. The Morning Raga

Being the only child of my parents, sometimes I didn't find any other suitable candidate for my childhood pranks than, one of my parents! Luckily for them, I wasn't ordinarily mischievous. Extraordinarily mischievous? May be. You decide based on this prank.

It's early morning, around 6am. I am wide awake and go to the washbasin to brush my teeth. I am in my 4th or 5th Grade. My dad is yet to rise from bed.

Aha! An idea! Let's check out if my dad is able to notice a subtle change early in the morning.

Hmm!? Ya, my dad is to undergo a test now! All I do is swap the locations of two similar objects, which are placed in a tray in front of the washbasin mirror and in the brush holder. I now go about preparing for my ablutions waiting to hear from a surprised dad with mouth wide open, in just about 5 minutes.

As usual, my dad gets up after hearing me finish my washbasin formalities, eager to conquer the world, yet-another-day! He starts off the day with brushing his teeth.

I, fortunately or unfortunately, am not around at the time when the paste-laden toothbrush is inserted into the mouth, but I can very well imagine what would happen next.

Hey, why does this brush taste differently today? Such a thought arises in my dad's Cerebrum. Is it the brush, or the paste? Why so much froth?

With a feeling of getting up from the wrong side of the bed, my dad asks my mom, who is the earliest riser in the family, if she has changed anything. Without getting a satisfying answer from her, my dad again looks at the washbasin area, this time with eyes wide open and notices the subtle change!

'Yikes! I applied the shaving paste to my toothbrush! How the h**l did it get here?'

"R-A-J-E-N-D-R-A-A-A...!!!"

The siren! Yahoo! My test worked! My dad failed! Hip Hip Hurray!


Epilogue

As it was getting late for office, apart from uttering few felicitous vowel sounds in a loud and clear tone, my dad let me go. After that day this incident was never mentioned, not until now! My dad, who crossed 60 recently will have a pleasant surprise when he comes upon this web-page while browsing the net. Chances are, he will have a good laugh!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

44. First a Veggie's Retort, Then the Aftermath!

This incident happened when I was in Philadelphia. I was out for lunch with my Indian manager. During our conversations while standing in the queue to order food, he figured out that I was a vegetarian. You might by now would have realized how much I hate answering those FAQs on my vegetarianism. No wonder!

My manager got perplexed about my conditioning.
"But you are a Prabhu, a GSB Konkani...."

I won't blame him. If you didn't know, it's a well known fact that Konkanis can't live without fish. After all, Konkan region is located along India's western coastline, starting from Gujarat (part), through Maharashtra, Goa and Karnataka, and upto Kerala, where seafood dishes are specialties.

Out came the question, which I was very well expecting:
"... how come you are a vegetarian?"

Without bating an eyelid, I let my hunger speak for itself with a straight face:
"Right now I am not representing my community!"

Yes! Those were the exact words! I remember them distinctly!

How much more blunt can you be! That too to an Indian manager, as managers from India are known to behave like managers even beyond office hours! Now when I look back, I find my tongue in cheek comment too harsh for the occasion. But what to do? Words once spoken are oft remembered and make way into party fodder and blog postings!

Luckily, this manager was of understanding type and accepted that this was my individuality, to go away from the norm. Thank God!

Now for the post lunch special:


Tuesday, June 12, 2007

43. To Prove and To Conclude!

If you have solved any mathematical question of the Prove-That type, you would know that to get full marks, you are supposed to follow a set pattern while answering that question:

Start with what you know and build on it by using known theorems/axioms while keeping track of whether you are getting closer to what you want to prove, and then finally, when you have achieved your destined equation mentioned in the question paper, you end your answer with a concluding statement --

LEFT HAND SIDE (L.H.S.) = RIGHT HAND SIDE (R.H.S.), HENCE PROVED!

What makes that final statement so special? Why do the examiners insist on you writing it? If you skip the final statement, should you be given any marks? Alternately, if you simply wrote the final statement as your answer without really proving the equation, should you be given any marks?

If you ask me, both are vital -- the proving steps, as well as the final statement.

NOTE: I am talking of Prove-That questions which you are solving on your own, and not the ones which you learnt by heart the previous night or the ones which you copied from your neighbor in the exam hall.

Let me take you backwards to the point history when a genius by the name of Archimedes got into his bath tub with a perplexing look on his face. This wasn't the first time he was having his bath. Then why did he have to yell out "Eureka" in the midst of his washings, and run to the Royal Palace, unshaven, naked, with his towel-carrying maidservant trying to nab him from behind?!! The steps for the proof (the principle of buoyancy) were there in the bath tub earlier too. Moreover, they were also there in all other bath tubs, not just in Archimedes'. So, what was missing in the proof? It was the "Eureka!" -- the conclusion that 'I have realized it!' And it took an Archimedes to blurt it out, and thus reveal the proof in all it's nakedness for the world to see and admire!

That same "Eureka", the "I got it!" proclamation you have to state in your answer paper in a more dignified form with the statement: "L.H.S. = R.H.S., HENCE PROVED!"

If you don't, then how would the examiner know that you realize that the steps you have written in sequence are actually proving the equation mentioned in the question paper? You can very well write all the right steps in the proof, but still not know that those form the proof! Is it not? If that's the case, then is your answer worthy of any mark?

Let me ask you a question:
What comes first -- your proof, or you realizing that you have proved it?
Take your time and first understand the question. Re-read, if that brings any clarity.

Proving a proposition (or, even disproving it!) is quite logical in approach. But the final step, that "YOU HAVE REALIZED IT" is anything but logical. You can't logically conclude the final statement. You just have to know it! Both the logical and the illogical happen together, in a flash (in Archimedes' case, it was a splash)!

When the mind is standstill, and you are in the present moment, in the NOW, the truth reveals itself!! The veil of ignorance is taken off and the light of knowledge dawns upon you. You are enlightened!

----------------

For the sidebar;
I remember playing a trick on the examiner during one of my Engineering semesters. It was a prove-that type of question on a mathematical equation involving vectors. I started the proof with known statement(s), and after deriving about 3-4 pages of new equations one after another, I had still not reached the unproven equation from the question paper. I knew that I was fairly close. The time, however, was not on my side. At that moment, an idea struck me! I went back to the start of my answer and numbered some of the equations in my proof at random. At the end, I left some space to fill in later through a backtracking process and then entered the most cherished statement in the proof: "L.H.S. = R.H.S., HENCE PROVED!" Then a step above that I wrote the to-be-proved equation. On top of that I wrote another equation which one can easily derive to be same as the to-be-proved equation by rearranging the terms on L.H.S. and R.H.S. Then, the clincher -- link up the flow from the top and the flow from the bottom by the phrase: "From equations 6, 12 and 25, we get--". And thus a charlatan was born!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

42. To the Job Hopper

Does job-hopping, with an eye towards making more money, really help? Of course, it might be remunerative initially, but does it really put you at a better position? Or do you constantly keep track of what you might have achieved had you stayed back, by verifying with your ex-colleagues? And then, do you either feel happy or depressed based on what your ex-colleague tells you?

Here's a conversation I had with an ex-colleague, who left my company for better opportunities some place else. I wish him all the best with all my sincerity. The reason for posting this conversation is not to ridicule him or anything like that. It's just to highlight the vagaries of the mind! (Note: Other than not revealing the company names and salary amount, I haven't modified anything.)

Ex-colleague: How are the allowances now?
me: never heard of them
Ex-colleague: Same old allowances or revised ?
me: will let u know as soon as i get the communique. how are things at your end, allowance wise?
Ex-colleague: its better than [my company]. I get ##K (in $)!
me: Good... keep going... i want to see u at the top of the food chain, and then report to me ...
Ex-colleague: :-)
me: takin time off now... need to get ready to go to office
Ex-colleague: see ya ... keep in touch
me: sure... wud like to know how advanced is ur mobile phone next time :P
Ex-colleague: :-) Till now I dont have it

This ex-colleague was quite open with his income and wasn't insisting on knowing my paycheck contents. But there are others in this Big-Small World, who really, I mean really, want to compare apples and tomatoes! They want to know everything. The size, the color, the texture, the number of seeds inside, you name it, they want to know about it! And when I am put up with such ex-colleagues, I just keep having fun. First I come to know what they have, and independent of this information, act as if I have more than what they can bargain for, without revealing the actual! That surely irks them, and makes them all the more interested in knowing what I am getting because of which I am still with the same damn old company! (A clarification in case my employer is reading this page: the 'damn' medallion is given by them, and not me.)

Such a conversation helps me in performing the witnessing meditation or vipaasana. I keep witnessing my mind, my ego during such occasions. Does it hurt when I come to know that I am not getting a higher pay package than some other fellow, who I know wasn't the smartest workhorse when he was around? As soon as such a thought arises, I get another one: What if I had that pay package? What next? How long will I be happier with that? Is that the ultimate, or enough? Will there be no more subsequent desires?

Where does this all end? This greed for more green papers! Where will it end? And now it's digital cash! Unless you are a daily-wage laborer, you don't even see the damn money for real! You invest your hard earned dollars in stocks and it plummets to the rock bottom! Then what? You too follow it by jumping from your office window located some 50 floors above the jhopad-patti level, huh?! Hope you caught the drift...

As for me, lets say I invest in a $5.00(+ tax) lottery ticket because of a pleasant dream I had the night before, and all you know, I win the million-dollar prize! Do you then call me successful and be jealous of me?

You see, I have this mindset -- go for the permanent. It's in my psyche. Anything temporary doesn't keep me interested for long. If you tell me about a new certification program which will fetch me a few dollars more but with a re-certification every five years, chances are, I won't even read the prospectus.

The point I am trying to make, if you haven't yet caught the drift while going down the 50-storey office building, is that your sense of happiness, or contentment currently lies in your mindspace. A small waft of wind, a small rumor, some new information can take it away from you in no time. Instead, try to expand your inner space, and enjoy the bliss within, which can never be found without. The rest will be taken care of, by itself!

An anecdote as recollected by Deepak Chopra about his decision to go to India and stay there for a few years under his spiritual Guru, Maharshi Mahesh Yogi's tutelage. (Taken from a youtube video.) His wife, Rita, being concerned about their mortgage payments and their two small kids, asked the Guru, "Where is the money going to come from?" The Guru retorted, "Money will come from wherever it is at the moment!" That statement hit it's mark, and with his family's approval he finally made to India. Rest is history, and a bountiful future.

On that note, I end this post.

PS: If this happens to be my current employer reading this page, I would like to remind you that, whatever it is that I write in this blog, don't ever think that you are giving me the best deal possible! I haven't revealed all my cards yet! Stay tuned, and keep trying to meet my expectations!

Monday, June 04, 2007

41. The Holy Debates - Part Two: The Double-Entendre

This has been put up just for you to enjoy the fun with English Language, and also for me to feel my ego.

One asureshma from the web (can't say a 'he', or a 'she', or an 'it', but in any case, let me assume a 'she' so as to be on the safer side of gender bias) comments on one of Swami Paramahamsa Nithyananda's videos posted on youtube; the numbers at the front indicate the time in the video recording when Swamiji made a statement -- (paraphrased) 'When Mother hands you over to Father, forget whatever you learnt from Mother. Same is true when Father hands you over to Master, and finally when Master hands you over to God. Then there will be nothing to remember. People will remember you.' -- which caused her to raise a brow and type with itchy hands:
48:39-49:18--Instead of forgetting, I prefer to Enrich my knowing from Mother,Father and Master.Moreover I dont seek the fame to remember by people.

My friend, A., who happened to see this comment, asks me, of all people, to reply to it. He, of course, doesn't want to be the only one having fun with replying to idiots, and wants to share this joy with me! What a man! Feel like bestowing him with some honor. Of course, I am no Musharraf. But at least you can understand my sentiments.

I feel like I should start my reply with the salutation, "Dear asur..." Yup! asur means demon in devlok, and it would have pleased Dogbert too! Unfortunately, A. insists that I shouldn't be doing that, and should keep the debate within bounds.

"Just defeat her flawed logic. Be Shankara," were his exact words.
"Adi, or anaadi?"
"Adi!"
Okay. So, here goes my reply (available on the web) -

In Zen, there is a proverb: "If you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha." Do you know why it is said? It's not from a physical plane you should be killing Buddha... If you want to reach the ultimate goal, you have to surpass every step of the way!

Dear asureshma: You say, "I dont seek the fame to remember by people." You need not. You shouldn't. Just be Enlightened, and the unenlightened will follow you! Of course, there will be some with unthoughtful comments, but let us keep them aside. We are talking about you here, aren't we? Be in Bliss, as always!

Noticed the double-entendre?! I bet, both the Shankaras would be proud of me now! As A. remarks: you lovingly sliced her head so smoothly!

Saturday, June 02, 2007

40. When a Veggie gets a Wedgie

'm now watching Showbiz India on Channel#8 (KTSF).

There is Reshma, the TV host, interviewing Neha Dhupia, some Bollywood actress. Neha is here along with a troupe to woo the desis of US with her dance, "and stuff". We learn that Neha is now vegetarian; which of course means, she used to have non-vegeterian food earlier.

Reshma asks Neha, what made her decide to go veggie? Neha replies in the Bollywood 'U-kno' English, "May be, it's the flight from India to New York!" Wah! What a super answer! A stupid question, but a super answer! I will remember to use it the next time I am asked that most frequently asked stupid question.

It reminds me of my experience with an inter-continental flight.

Before you proceed reading any further, time for a WARNING. HAS GRAPHIC CONTENT. Some scenes might not go well with your appetite. Visualize at your own discretion.

It was during one of my annual India trips on the Korean Air, departing from SFO-California, when I had to forcibly fast, thanks to some confusion. If you had ever fasted, you would know that when you fast, the rest of the day seems to never end. What a sluggishly slow sadistic Sun! Look at the power of the letter S. It can convert a laughter into a slaughter!

Enough of alliteration... Taking you back to my story... I had pre-ordered "Hindu meal" on the flight, which for all the holy reasons that come to my holy mind, should be vegetarian, whichever way I look at it. Unfortunately, the Koreans decide what a Hindu eats on their flights! Hare KORishna!

As per the Korean Air website, a Hindu meal, classified under "Religious Meals" section, is:
- Meal prepared for Indian people.
- No beef or pork.

Holy Korean Cow, with those tiny Mongoloid eyes, I say! And ya, Holy to the Korean Pig too! No other specifications, especially on what is included in the Hindu meal is given. This you are supposed to learn when it is served in the flight. Talking of in-flight surprises!

When my food arrived, I opened the main meal package, eager to gulp it in no time. I first thought it was a roasted Korean cauliflower of some tasteless variety. No sooner had I gulped the first piece, than the tiny bulb in my head, which runs on plant energy, lit! Was that a chicken breast I just ate?! Or was it the buttock portion?!!! I never had either of those before, but I was damn sure it had something to do with the rooster family. It surely woke me up from my unconscious eating, and stopped me from doing more harm to the Korean chicken.

When I asked the steward to get me a HINDU meal, I was told, THAT was IT! I felt like expounding on the Sanskrit verse: tat tvam asi, but their broken English left much to desire. Had that chicken been alive, it surely would have sided by me, even though it had to go against its Korean brethren. That, I can bet on!

The bad thing about making a wrong food choice in a two flight trip is that you can't expect anything better in the upcoming flight too! My damn luck! On the next flight, I didn't even attempt to open the packed meal. I wasn't curious to know who will crawl out next.

Finally, the long-drawn-out growlingly empty trip ended with a joyous welcome from my parents. It made worth all the trouble.

[Note: To keep the content of this posting short, I haven't included the portion where the customs officer slaughters a starving veggie. May be next time...]

These days, when I plan my India travel, I ensure that I enquire everything about the food contents before buying the air ticket. The Korean Air's Asian Vegetarian Meal seems palatable to my pate.

While you are here, don't forget to check out the Korean Air website for their understanding of "Strict Asian Vegetarian Meal"!!! It says no to meat, dairy, egg, and root vegetables. If any of you has the courage to order it, do mail me your experiences. I would love to read it with a sadistic smile :-]

Until then, enjoy your weekend.

Friday, June 01, 2007

39. How will an Enlightened Master react now?

A talk by Paramahamsa Nithyananda on His first samadhi experience which happened 17 years ago on Buddha Purnima day, when he was just 12 years of age.

Enjoy! Nithyanandam!



Wednesday, May 30, 2007

38. Have questions, and need answers?

Do you identify yourself with the guy shown in the poster? Ya, he has a nice physique, but that's not I am talking about. It's about the questions that he is trying to find answers to.

Do you have any of these thoughts running through your mind:

    • Why is that person always healthy, but not me?
    • I miss those happy days! Why don't they recur?
    • How I love these happy moments! Will I lose them anytime soon?
    • S/he doesn't deserve half as much as s/he earns!
    • Nobody listens to me... Nobody talks to me either!
    • I need a new spouse, a new maid,... another drink... and a smoke too!
    • Why do my employers keep firing me?
    • Is life before death a myth?
    • What is the next personal development course I should be doing?
    • What should be my next blog posting?
If you do at times ponder over such thoughts, then you are in luck! Just click on the poster for your answers!

Monday, May 28, 2007

37. The Elusive Second Rank

Have you ever tried to deliberately score a rank in a competition which is other than your usually attained rank? I tell you, I have, and this is my story.

[This piece has been written for a narrator of the caliber of Morgan Freeman or Amitabh Bachchan. Hear that voice?]

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any real person -- living, hospitalised, or dead -- is purely by God's own will, and I couldn't write it any other way.

In my good old school days, academics came natural to me. I happened to top the class, and get that coveted 1st Rank. Soon I felt a monotony to it, and then the fun started -- to deliberately try coming in second.

There was this girl in my class who would always come in second, and I would always hopelessly be ranked one above her, how-much-so-ever I tried not to! Of course, she wasn't trying to come second deliberately, but had she known about my intentions, she would have loved to help me.

In those days, betting wasn't a commonplace. I, however, had the good fortune of getting acquainted with a classmate, who was born to be a bookie and in the future, make his presence felt in the best known arena of all -- the Shaharjah Cricket Tournament. Let me call him, Aamir Bahaauddin Tyaagi, Aamir for short, which mind you, is a name from my imagination not Google-able, lest I reveal his true identity.

Aamir knew that it was easy for me to secure the first rank, and hence would make it all the more interesting by raising the bets for the second rank, while keeping the odds at 1/1 for the first. Whenever I was confident that I have done so well in my class exams, or should I say so badly that I deserved nothing more than the coveted second rank, I would bet heavily. The currency involved for betting were in marbles, and I had to part with a lot of those. But that didn't stop me in trying for one final time, and then once more, and so it went on.

You might think that for someone who can come first, how difficult it would be to come in second for once. Well, let me try to explain to you the problem with coming in second deliberately, as compared to coming in first. The first rank holder's score only has a lower limit, and no higher limit. On the other hand, to come in second, you have to determine the highest score amongst others in the class, and score just about enough to not exceed that score, while ensuring that you score more than the rest. A lot of number crunching is involved. You might even get a Doctrate just for making an attempt in finding a sound mathematical formula, containing weird Greek alphabets, for coming in second.

Now, I wouldn't say I always stood first in these attempts, while it's true that I didn't come in second either. After the initial monotony of firsts, I have scored a fifth once, and a tenth too! Well, it's not that I lost my ability for coming in first, but that the parameters involved used to change every four years or less with new students rolling in my class, which made my calculations go wrong all the time. In the 6th Grade, you had to opt for a third language, and I took Sanskrit, which resulted in a new class, and a different batch of pupils. In the 9th Grade, we had to go to a new school for, the old school only had classes upto 8th, and thus put up with another new batch of students. You can consider yourself lucky if you have mastered the art of coming in second after 10 years of analysis on a static population with only a few controlled parameters changing (refer: ANOVA / DOE statistical analysis techniques), and I had to either come up with a solution in less than four years or incorporate the rules behind dynamically changing population in my calculations!

Now I have grown up and am not involved with academics, professionally speaking. But mind never stops working, especially on an unsolved Mathematical mystery. The other day, I came across on the internet a puzzle about an Arab sheikh and how he thought of distributing his wealth. Here it goes:
There was once an Arab sheikh who had two sons who were not the sharpest scimitars in the palace armory, as it were. He loved playing jokes on them to watch their reaction.

One day he told his two sons to race their camels to a distant city to see who would inherit his fortune. The rules stated that the one whose camel was slowest would be the winner.

The brothers, after wandering aimlessly for days, going slower and slower, finally ran across a wise man in the desert whom they ask for advice. After hearing the advice they jumped on their beasts and raced as fast as they could to the city. What did the wise man say to them?
I had always thought that Shaharjah, the land of the Arabs and the camels, had answers to these types of mysteries. How rightly so! If you are still wondering what the wise man said to the boys, let me not keep it from you for long. He said, "Switch your camels and try to reach the city first, thus making the others' camel which you are riding on, faster than yours!" So neat. So beautiful. So clever. Is it not?

How do we apply this wise man's logic to my problem of coming in second? For that, I would need the help of the girl who always stood second in class, whenever I stood first. Even though this is not a camel race, if you note, writing exams is no different. Switching the camels would mean switching the answersheets! Got it? Let me explain further. If I write her student roll number on my answer paper while she writes mine, we have effectively switched the camels! Now both of us would answer the exam based on our abilities, without deliberately trying to make mistakes, and ensure that she makes me get the elusive second rank, while she boasts the first! Perfecto, isnt it? So clever, yet so profoundly simple. Had I known this earlier, I would have won a lot of marbles, by Jove!

These days, whenever I attend prize distribution functions, I clap, cheer, whistle, and what not, whenever they announce for the second prize winner, while booing the first comer. People might think that I am related to the second comer, but now you know the real reason behind my actions.

[ If someone does go ahead and makes this movie, of course, after buying the credits from me, following text would now roll on the screen... ]

The Second Rank girl is now a qualified Medical Doctor, and is some big shot with a corner office in WHO headquarters at Geneva.

Aamir is now not making as much money as he used to when there were India v/s Pakistan cricket fixtures all year round in his current home location. India's decision to not send their cricket team to Shaharjah after the betting scam broke out, has not only put some breaks to his burgeoning bank balance, but also made him borrow from others in order to meet with his wives' shopping expenses. (Note the location of the apostrophe.)

As for me, I am at home, sitting in my lavish mansion on a private island in the Pacific, writing a new movie script to get another nomination for an Academy Award! Yup, I still aim for the 2nd place!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

36. The Holy Debates

There are times in life when you face an adamant mind to whom you want to put forth your viewpoint, and who, for all holy reasons is not concurring with you! Lets say that you too are adamant to not give way to the other person! After all, its a Holy Debate!

Now how you face this situation, is based on your personality. Let me share my experiences.

Yesterday, while watching the news on TV, my roomie (nope, not the one who messed up my pressure cooker, and ya, there are more roomies in my house than birds in the bush,) suddenly blurted out a generalized statement as soon as he heard some news piece on a Baba (Hindu Monk), "All Babas are corrupt... Behind our backs they act *unholy* with girls..." (A few words have been modified so as to conform to the blog's censor board.)

Now if you are against making generalized statements, but wouldn't want to mess it with a long drawn debate, how will you deal with this remark? It really helps when you have some information about the person you are dealing with. Then you can put in relevant examples to bring home your point.

In my case, I knew this roomie had just bought a 2nd hand car and was driving it illegally (ya, *illegally*, you read it right the first time) on the roads of the United States of America with neither a US state driving license/permit nor an auto insurance, nor the legal paper which says "I am the registered owner of the vehicle I am currently driving"! He had his Indian license and the experience of driving on Indian roads... but, that's besides the point.

So, to make him understand the issue with his viewpoint -- I am talking of his generalized Baba-remark and not his qualifications for a visit to the Shawshank prison -- I just put one counter argument: "Tomorrow you will say all those driving on the US roads are driving without a valid license or an auto insurance!" and there was a smirk on his face.

So, it was quite easy to argue with a known person. But, when you deal with creepy characters online, you are left with only their written words to understand their psyche. It gets more challenging to even make them understand what you are saying, leave alone make them agree with you!

Some key points from my experience with the invisible minds:
  1. Start your argument with "I agree with you on ...", say some good thing about their comment which will at least make them receptive to what you will say next. And then add a "However," to follow up with what you really want to say!
  2. Elaborate your point by way of examples, usually the witty ones. Since you can't make out who is at the other end, use relevant jokes which aren't racist or offensive to a particular group/sect, or else you will start a debate within a debate! Oh Boy! God save you, if that happens!
  3. If you are still not able to make things clear, then there is the Ogden Nash poem which you can use to put an end to the debate and get on with your life:
When people reject a truth or an untruth it is not
because it is a truth or an untruth that they reject it.
No, if it isn't in accord with their beliefs in the
first place they simply say, "Nothing doing,"
and refuse to inspect it.

Likewise when they embrace a truth or an untruth it
is not for either its truth or its mendacity,
But simply because they have believed it all along
and therefore regard the embrace as a tribute to
their own fair-mindedness and sagacity.
Enjoy one such duel of the minds at: Antarananda's Blog.

Note: At this point of writing this blog posting, I have gotten the news that my Shawshank-qualified roomie has just passed his DMV written test for a driving permit, and is well underway to get the other two mandatory things done.

Friday, May 18, 2007

35. A Page from my Pressure Cooker's diary

Today, May 18 2007, is the last day when I would have served my beloved Master as a pressure cooker, after some 5 years of pleasure-cooking. I say this, with a sense of contentment for, even in my end, my unselfishness shone, and my altruism has now been immortalised with His Holiness' blog posting!

Master's roomie, who I have seen helping out my Master and His more accomplished cooking roommates in their cooking, has been very good at doing just that. I had thought that he might, by now, would have graduated to a better position in the cooking hierarchy, but it was not meant to be.

Master was having His shower, and if my imaginative mind serves me, would have been shampooing His radiant head when the apartment's fire alarm went off all of a sudden! I heard Him turn off the shower and yell from inside the bathroom asking His roomie outside to clear the air and put an end to the deafening alarm. After some windows and doors were opened, the alarm was finally silenced.

Out came my Master after a well-deserved bath, eager to check the state of the kitchen. The air had a burning smell to it.

Master was quite suspicious of the understudy's cookery skills, and first checked the electric rice cooker by my side. It was working fine. Then He came to me, and saw me still facing the heat on top of a burning heating coil. Master asked the roommate if he had added water to the dal (lentil) in the cooker, and got the reply in negative. I think I saw a bulb light in the understudy's head, who all this while had felt that he had accomplished a remarkable task by silencing the alarm and was busy browsing the net on his laptop unaware of the implications of his incomplete cooking knowledge on my future.

If you had asked me earlier to choose between destiny and free-will, I would have answered free-will, for I had felt that I chose my Master, when I was back in India in an utensil shop, helping my Master with His choice of a cooker by showing my happy face. Now I don't know if it is fate, which rules. In either case, I am happy to have come to the service of my Master.

I hope Master doesn't dispose me, but instead makes use of me as a vessel for His cooking needs. One thing is for sure: with my sacrifice, the understudy would have learnt his lesson in the fine art of cooking with a pressure cooker!

Saturday, May 12, 2007

34. Making a Cocktail out of H2O

An excerpt from a chat I had with my friend on GoogleTalk.
Note:
1. This chat has been edited to fit your browser window.
2. Viewer discretion advised.
--------------------------------------------------------------
He: how r u..?
me: great. how about u?
He: i am fine
me: where are you now?
He: i am at connecticut.. working with Nestle
me: wow! lots of chocolates, i guess
He: but i am working for nestle waters
me: oh... then taste those waters too
He: here i will get every day free water...
me: but then, how much can a man drink?
He: as much as possible.... still in control...
me: hahaha... i was talking about ur free water supply... but then, u answered the best only u can :)
He: ya.. :) i am talking about my drink... so funny..
me: yup! one thinks of others the way one is :) lol!
He: :) u r right.. in real life same thing happens..
me: yup

--------------------------------------------------------------
This chat was brought to you by Smirnoff Vodka.
[Link to the Commercial]

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

32. The Thrill of Now


Thrill n. a sudden wave of keen emotion or excitement, sometimes manifested as a tremor or tingling sensation passing through the body.

Why do we get a thrill whenever we indulge in life-threatening activities? This includes extreme sports such as car racing, paragliding, mountaineering, freefall, bungee jumping and so on.

A roller coaster ride can be put in the same bucket (at least for me!), even though it is not that life threatening as others. What makes it thrilling to go through a roller coaster ride? You might have done the same ride before, but each time you get the thrill and aspire to go through it again.

The more the possibility (or your fear) of losing your life/property in an intentional activity, the more you are thrilled! Did you read property? Yup! Gambling also counts.

When you get the thrill, what's going on in your mind? Is there time or space involved? Or do you sense the NOW!? Other than you realizing that you are thrilled, do you have any other thought going on in your mind? (Note: If you are engulfed in fear at that time, then you are not thrilled yet!)

On second thoughts, do you have the thought that you are thrilled, when the thrill is happening? Or is this conclusion (that you were thrilled) an after-the-event-thought? Think about it the next time you get thrilled!

So, would it be right to conclude that when your thought-count is zero, you will feel a thrilling sensation up your spine? I would say, MEDITATE to get thrilled! No strings attached, or should I say, no thread of thought attached! =)

Saturday, March 31, 2007

31. The case of Right Action, but Wrong Reason

It doesn't help if you do the right thing but with wrong reason in mind!

You might argue that how does it matter, if the end result of the action is same? Does the reason behind the action really matter?

Well, it does matter! Paramahamsa Nithyananda proved his point through this joke:

Once, three madmen in a mental asylum go to the resident doctor and say that they are no more mad, and now have come to their senses. The doc then prescribes them to undergo a test next day to prove their sanity. The next morning, the doc takes them to a swimming pool, and asks them to go up onto the diving board. The swimming pool at that time isn't filled with water due to pool maintenance. The doc asks the first madman to jump, and he jumps, breaking his hands. Now is the turn of the second madman, who dutifully jumps and breaks his legs. Finally when its the turn of the third madman, he hesitates, and then says he won't! The doc is happy that atleast one amongst the three is sane, and asks him to climb down and meet him in his office. The doc seated in his office chair, asks the sane one what made him decide not to jump. He replies, "I don't know swimming!"

Thursday, March 29, 2007

30. "Hello," says me.

My cellphone rings alerting me of an incoming call. The number on the display says "Call 1". The caller has hidden the number. I just pick up the phone and say, "Hello!" in my characteristic voice.

I hear at the other end an imitator repeat my hello back at me! In the background I hear a child giggling.

Hmm! Seems like someone is trying to pull my leg, that too on the phone!

I keep quiet, and maintain my silence for a while, just to see if the caller can imitate that.

I now hear some more imitations of my first hello. Sorry dude, I won't budge from my silence, may what come. The child in the background is trying hard to retain its giggle, slowly losing the reason to do so.

And then I hear the click. The call has been ended! The tables have been turned! My silence worked! Yippee, said I in silence!


If the callers were trying to have fun by annoying someone they could reach by dialling some random number on their phone, they couldn't pull that trick on me! The silence has spoken!

Now I am searching for them, just to thank them for proving to me that "Silence Speaks Louder Than Words!"

Thursday, March 15, 2007

29. Yet Another Day to Rejoice!

The Sun has dawned...
It's Ides of March!!!
March 15th!

Rejoice!
No one to be afraid of!!

We are already the Ocean,
And not just the fleeting waves on the Ocean bed!

This very day 29 years ago, a wave had started its journey...
This wave now hopes to merge with the Ocean in Total Awareness...

May Sat-Chit-Ananda Prevail...
Om!

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

25. A 'Beautiful' Word

Beautiful is a beautiful word. Why?
Because we have been using it whenever we felt good, or sensed some good experience.

How about the reverse logic? If we use this word to define all our other experiences, what will be the outcome? Will the word lose its meaning, or will the experience lose its unpleasantness?

Just try it out! The next time you undergo an unpleasant experience, such as when you accidentally spill coffee on your shirt, instead of saying your usual 4-letter word, try saying 'BEAUTIFUL' slowly and stressfully (definitely not sarcastically), as if you have seen the making of a beautiful painting!

You will be surprised to realize that your mind is confused and is searching some beauty in that experience. This is bound to happen. After all, we have been accustomed to words and their meanings so much that words now invoke reactions in us. We should use this to our benefit, and not be bothered about not seeing "a Rose in a Rose, in a Rose, in a Rose"!!!

Monday, March 05, 2007

24. A Blood-Sucking Saga

My colleague pings me on the intranet messenger about an hour into my office time on the first day of the week to inform me that there is a free cholestrol screening going on in one of the office rooms near the Cafeteria. I am not so keen to undergo such a test as I feel myself to be in the apple of my health (or some such good feeling which you usually read inside health magazines). This colleague of mine, however, convinces me to have this test, after all its free and brings in a peace of mind! Well, if I am already having my peace of mind, I don't have anything to gain by this test. What provoked me, however, to undergo this test was something I couldn't convey to him; to put a stop to his rationalizing arguments was a good enough reason for me!

At 11:00AM, I find myself hopping my way to the screening room, not aware that the test involves sucking blood from the finger tips! Yup! The doc puts on her disposable gloves and asks me to hand her one of my fingers! I won't specify which one of my fingers felt the needle, as I want my blog to be available for all ages. Without detailing out the blood sucking process, let me straight away divulge the results of the test:
Total Cholestrol (200 or less) : 183 mg/dl
HDL Cholestrol (40 or higher) : 47 mg/dl
Cholestrol/HDL Ratio (4.5 or less) : 3.9 mg/dl
Glucose (fasting: 110 or less, non-fasting: 130 or less) : 87 mg/dl

Hurray! That was a no-test for me! I passed all the barriers with much to spare! When I revealed this to my colleague, he got quite concerned of his HDL Cholestrol count, which came in the mid-20 range. Until then he was calm with the knowledge that all of our other Indian colleagues had ratings just like him, and it was considered by them to be quite normal for the Indian populace! I now happened to be the swan amongst the crows much to my delight and his distress.

A week later, while accompanying me for an evening walk, he asks me how I managed to have such a good HDL rating. After all, unlike him I don't expend much time at the gym, nor do I have a special dietary plan. Now it was my turn to play my trumpet, and I remember mentioning to him that its not only the diet, but also how good your body is in digesting what you feed it. The breathing exercises (Pranayama) that I routinely do in the mornings definitely had a hand in my good score!

These days, I find my colleague spending less time at the gymnasium and more at home making noises from his nose!

Saturday, February 03, 2007

23. To be or not to be free... Thats the question!

Ram Dass said, "If you think you're free, there's no escape possible."
Damn it! I thought otherwise! :)

What is freedom? Who says I am not already free?
The mind comes up with reasons for saying I am not free... after all, it's the one which defines the word 'freedom', and my current situation, as perceived by it, doesn't conform to its definition.

Why does my mind want me to seek freedom?
Everyone wants happiness. Every mind seeks for happiness. Freedom is happiness. Happiness is freedom. Free to live the way one wants... Not dependent on any person, or any situation.

What will I be like, once I become free (assuming I am not already)!? How different will it be from the current situation?
A Zen proverb:
"Before enlightenment - chop wood, carry water.
After enlightenment - chop wood, carry water. "

If I am free, wouldn't I be free to think I am "not free"? Is this what has happened? My mind has proved to me that I am not free! And something inside tells me that it's not true! Isn't that amazing!!

How to seek freedom?
Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow. ~Aesop

"Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far. Far far away from here."
Remember the movie? It's from the movie Forrest Gump, and Jenny, Forrest Gump's girlfriend says that. In the movie, Jenny is shown going places in search of happiness, of freedom, all the time... becoming a folk singer, a hippie, a drug addict, a nurse, and what not! And to fulfill her dreams, she leaves Forrest Gump! All this while, it's Forrest Gump who happens to be in the limelight of happiness! His life simply defies logic... He has an IQ of 75, doesn't qualify for a "normal" school, don't have strong legs to walk... and he turns out to be a part of history, a celebrity, wherever he goes... the Watergate, the Vietnam war, the US v/s China ping pong match, meeting the US Presidents, winning the Congressional Medal of Honor, teaching Elvis how to dance, the shrimp business, the interstate runner, the creator of smilie face, and more...

"Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." ~ Forrest Gump

The world will never be the same once you've seen it through the eyes of Forrest Gump, so goes the tagline of the movie. If you haven't seen this movie, I would highly recommend it! (Not that my recommendation matters :)... Enjoy!

Ending this post with some memorable quotes from the movie:
"Now, it used to be, I ran to get where I was going. I didn't know it would take me anywhere."
"Mamma said you gotta' put the past behind you before you can move on."
"Mamma always said dying was a part of life."
"Mamma said stupid is as stupid does!"
"You are stupid, when you act stupid."
"Aren't I going to be me?"
"Have you found God, Forrest?"(Lieutenant Dan) "I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for Him!" (Forrest Gump)
"And that's all I have to say about that."