64. SMS on Personality Traits

A month ago I received an SMS from my cousin with following instruction:

Psychological test - Complete this word: K I _ _. I'll then tell u wot is ur dominant personality.

I don't mind participating in such tests, if I know for sure that there is some scientific reasoning behind it. With SMS forwards, one can't be sure. Thus, in such situations, I tend to flummox the sender by reverting with an improbable word, such as KILN. It did work this time. The word KILN was not listed in her answer key!

Her answer key went like this:

KILL: Aggressive
KILO: Intelligent
KIND: Polite
KING: Confident
KISS: Flirty
KIDS: Possessive
KITE: Brave
KIWI: Helpful
KICK: Angry

Few weeks later, I received the same "psycological test" SMS from another cousin, but with a stern warning: Don't say KILN or any such hard word.

This time, however, I had to relent, just to be a good sport. At least I now know that my two cousins share their notes. :)

63. Perfectionism -- the dreaded attitude to have

I was mentioning to a chat friend on how difficult it was to have a perfectionist attitude, especially when it comes to restarting the blog after more than a year of hiatus. Now, more than any time in the past, I have a starting problem.

Osho's enlightening quote:

The perfectionist is bound to be a neurotic, he cannot enjoy life, until he is perfect. And perfection as such never happens, it is not in the nature of things. Totality is possible, perfection is not possible.

So, without giving much thought to keeping my blog posts perfekt, let's proceed with what comes to mind and see where it takes us. Enjoy the ride!

62. Why Commonwealth Games?

Shera - the Mascot

Wikipedia points out: Commonwealth Games is a multi-sport event for member countries from the Commonwealth of Nations. And The Commonwealth of Nations constitute the countries carved out of the dismantled British Empire.

Now, after 60 years of dismantlement, do we need to have The Commonwealth, and with that, Her Highness' Games? Is it worthwhile to continue this legacy?

If someone had asked that question and acted on it, may be, Suresh Kalmadi would have got more time to color his hair and beard black than worry about corruption allegations and construction delays. Poor fellow. He seems to be going the Lalit Modi way.

Now that the clock can't move backwards, let's all pray that India successfully hosts the 2010 Commonwealth Games and Mani Shankar Aiyar eats crow.

61: Any issues?

This one will be a short post... but worth mentioning...

I happen to manage a team which is spread across multiple locations-- Mumbai, where I am, and then in Bangalore and Kolkata.

Yesterday, one of my Bangalore team members pings to inform me that he had to leave early the day before without notifying me because his spouse complained about a stomach ache, and today he has to take her to the doc for further diagnosis.

Of course, who am I to stop people from visiting their doctors? Without giving another thought, I just typed on the messenger: "Go Ahead. No Issue..."

He replies: "She just has a stomach ache, but no, no issue. It's some gynecological problem."

!!!

60. The Aura Around Aurum

On the occasion of independent India bagging it's first individual Olympic Gold, here's a countdown...

An Olympic gold medal in hand is worth (much more than):

10. Two boxes of champagne bottles

9. Two truck loads of gifts

8. Two duplex flats at Colaba

7. Two phone calls from the country's premier
(or Sonia Gandhi, whosoever is greater)

6. Two chapters in Class IV Hindi Text Book

5. Two hundred Indian delegates at the games

4. Two thousand and eight patriotic Bollywood films

3. Two billion TV debates on "Why only one medal for one billion Indians?"

2. Two Tera bytes of illegally downloaded mp3 songs

1. Two of us -- you the reader, and me the writer!




---

Meanwhile, if the Indian Olympic Committee is interested in bagging more Olympic Golds but without spending anything on infrastructure and training, then it should suggest to the International Olympic Committee to include "Spitting" as a sport, with following events in this new category (on the similar lines as Shooting):

• 1m Spit


• 5m Spit


• 1m Running Target


• 5m Running Target


• Trap


• Double Trap


• Skeet

The Indian betel leaf should be used as ammunition, thus leading to a betel revolution in our agriculture sector.

On further research, I came across this article on the web: "Hitching a Ride with the Chinese Olympic Spitting Team". Looks like the Chinese have a PhD in Spitting! So, for the time being, Suresh Kalmadi and team have to discard Spitting and invent a new Sporting event. Any suggestions?

59. What's In A Name?

'lA-jane-dlA'... That's how I used to pronounce my name, long, long time ago, when I had barely started communicating in my mother tongue. It was my dad's assignment, late in the evening, after dinner, to bring out the 'R' in me with a proper roll of the tongue, which, thankfully, he managed successfully.

I mention this so that you understand how sensitive I am regarding making fun of people who have pronunciation or stammering problems, even though I never had such a problem later in my life. But that shouldn't stop me from writing about this incident which happened in my office today.

A new guy has joined our team. This fellow stammers while saying his name. The name as such isn't long: only four letters. But when he pronounces it, the first syllable would take 5/6ths of the time. (That's a rough estimate as I don't have a stop watch to time it.)

What's more amazing is, each time he introduces himself, he would pronounce it similarly.

That made me ponder: May be the poor fellow is pronouncing his name as it should be! After all, who better can pronounce one's name than one own self! It reminds me of the African tribesmen who have clinks in their names which the stand-up comedian Russell Peters doesn't fail to admire.

Had I been able to keep a straight face each time he said it, I would have given him the benefit of doubt and remarked, "That sounds tough to pronounce. Would it be okay if we called you 'Ravi' instead?"

58. Achmed, the Terrorist with a Ventriloquist

Click here

57. Upcoming Event: Life Bliss Program, San Jose - 17-18 Nov, 2007, Sat-Sun

Date: 17 to 18 Nov 2007, Sat-Sun
Event: Life Bliss Program, Conducted by Swami Medhananda
Venue: Mulberry School, 220 Belgatos Rd., Los Gatos, CA
Contact: Ma Snehamayi (Chitra) Ph: (510) 813-6474
Registration Information: Click Here
More Details About Life Bliss Program: Click Here

If you haven't done this workshop earlier, then don't miss this one! Swami Medhananda is a very senior acharya, and one of the best. He is currently the vice president of Florida based International Vedic Hindu University (http://ivhu.edu).

Following is a flyer for the event:

56. Ganapati Bappa Morya!

55. 2007 Kumbh Mela at Los Angeles

On Sep 9th 2007, Kumbh Mela was held in Los Angeles, CA. Paramahamsa Nithyananda, a Kumbha Mahamandaleshwar, officiated the event along with Swamis and Monks of other orders. (A Mahamandaleshwar is a spiritual master who has been elevated by his peers to the highest level of traditional, Hindu spiritual guardianship. Today India has 80 Mahamandaleshwars who carry on the work begun by Adi Shankaracharya 1200 years ago.)

My photos from the event (thanks to Xavier John and his camera):



For more information about event, refer to following web-pages:

• www.usakumbhamela.net
• dhyanapeetam.org
  
• lifebliss.org

54. The Dream Puzzle!

The other day someone in office called for a meeting with an agenda which didn't have anything to do with me, nor my work. I, however, make it a point to attend all such meetings where I neither have to give status updates, nor have the fear of being stuck with an action item.

In the middle of the meeting, I found myself asleep! Slowly the voices in the meeting room started to fade away and an orchestra took over. (Yeah, I have hired an orchestra to play in my dreams.) So, here I was, in the midst of a meeting, enjoying a blissful dream.

In the dream, I was passing by a garden where I overheard a young boy and his nanny, who were having a good time under a cocoa tree. The boy asked his nanny to tell him a story and this is what she narrated*:

"Once upon a time in a city which did not exist, there were three princes who were brave and happy. Of them two were unborn and the third was not conceived. Unfortunately all their relatives died. The princes left their native city to go elsewhere. Very soon they fell into a swoon unable to bear the heat of the sun. Their feet were burnt by hot sand. The tips of grass pierced them. They reached the shade of three trees, of which two did not exist and the third was not even planted. After resting there for some time and eating the fruits of those trees, they proceeded further.

"They reached the banks of three rivers; of them two were dry and in the third there was no water. The princes had a refreshing bath and quenched their thirst in them. They then reached a huge city which was about to be built. Entering it, they found three palaces of exceeding beauty. Of them two had not been built at all, and the third had no walls. They entered the palaces and found three golden plates; two of them had been broken into two and the third had been pulverised. They took hold of the one which had been pulverised. They took ninety-nine minus one hundred grams of rice and cooked it. They then invited three holy men to be their guests; of them two had no body and the third had no mouth. After these holy men had eaten the food, the three princes partook of the rest of the food cooked. They were greatly pleased. Thus they lived in that city for a long long time in peace and joy. My child, this is an extremely beautiful legend; pray remember this always, and you will grow up into a learned man."

It really was a funny story, and considering that it was told by someone who had crossed 60, I dismissed it completely from my mind and moved on in my seemingly endless dream.

A few feet ahead, I happened to notice something glittery. So I went closer to investigate further. To my utter delight, I could make out that it was a diamond! A very big one at that! It however had fallen in a small cavity near the road side. With no other means but my bare hands to take it out, I inserted my right hand and got hold of the diamond. The neck of the hole seemed to be too small for me to take my fist out with the diamond clasped in it!

Now here I am, one hand stuck in a cavity† making me unable to come out of my dream, while my colleagues, unaware of my fate, debating amongst themselves in the meeting room!

How shall I come out of my dream and get on with the meeting?
Can you help?

___________________________________________________

*The nanny's story has been taken from the book Vasistha's Yoga, translated/expounded by Swami Venkatesananda, unabridged version, Page 122-123.

†This is how you can catch a monkey alive. Better watch the movie Animals Are Beautiful People, and see for yourself. It's a 1974 documentary on the wildlife of the Namib Desert, directed and written by Jamie Uys, who is more famous for the movie: The Gods Must Be Crazy.

53. Vijay Singh on a Mini-Golf Turf!

This is a video of Vijay Singh playing on a mini-golf turf for the first time in his life! (That's me, having a bad hair day!) Enjoy the ups and downs!

Please bear with the delayed audio. Actually, you will enjoy more because of the delay!

Can you tell what Mr. Singh's last words were?

52. Stuck on an Escalator

What can you possibly do if you are stuck on an escalator?

If you have better ideas than the folks in the following video clip, please send in your comments.

51. Ardha Kumbha Mela, Prayaag, 2007.

50. To the Blogger in Me

Thank you,
My dear young & bold readers.
Without your encouragement, I wouldn't have realized
a BLOGGER resides in me!

Hope, my blog postings in turn have
helped you fire your psychiatrist
and throw away your mask.

It's been a fun ride
to be a one year old again,
to be as I am,
not bothered about the whole wide world
which at times laughs with me
and at times, laughs at me!

May there be more1st B'days like t h e s e!
amen!

It's truly been a remarkable and adventurous ride, worthy of mentioning in, where else... a blog posting! I never thought I would get the fame and status just by writing a blog! Actually, I didn't even know that there was a Blogger inside me who was trying to come out!

When you live in a paradise, nobody wants to read your two-line story: "Once upon a time, there lived me! And I lived happily ever after!" Huh! So I started with writing on a few "mental" topics [1,2,5,6,8,14,15,19,21,22,23,25]. Only when I celebrated my 29th birthday [26-29] did I realize that my generic reader (that's majority amongst you), was not ready for them yet! (Not that I have totally stopped writing on these topics [32,43,47].)

In order to not lose your attention* by writing too abstract, I had to add some juicy stories, and anecdotes, thanks at large for inspirations from my interactions with Orkut pals [3,16], roomies [35,36], my manager [44], office colleagues [24,42], my dad [46], my masseuse [4], chat-room pals [34], professional debaters on the web [36,41], mischief mongers on the phone [30], the sexy belly dancer [50], and what else? Newspaper articles and events around the globe [12,13,48], TV shows [7,49], my travels [33,40] and ya, Gods and Gurus [9,10,11,17,18,20,31] too! I hope I have made you seriously interested in spirituality through my writings, which was my initial inspiration for writing this blog in the first place, no hiding that! [38,39,45]

Talking of fame, now I realize what it is like to be a celebrity and being followed by paparazzi! These days, when I am at the shopping mall or any other public place for that matter, scantily clad chicks, don't know from where they come, but they know where I am at all times, ask me to pose with them for photographs, videographs, and also request for my autograph on obscene body locations, like the backside of their necks! (Yes, I am decent, and hence call even that obscene!)

Even my colleagues at work have started bribing me to get their photos, their kids' photos, and their pet photos (which they proclaim as "cho-cute"; not that they have to be always right simply because they work in my office), their family album, all of those photos, everything, on my blog! Huh! Just tell me, had I acceded to such requests, would I be having a fan following which I am enjoying today? Tell me honestly.

A drawback of being a famous blogger is that people are cautious when they interact with you. I can see that happening already. So, once in a while when there is a dearth of real life incidents which are bloggable, I have to invent characters, like Aamir Bahaauddin Tyaagi and his many Arab wives [37] (I am not sure† of their nationalities, but that's been my best guess so far), so as to keep you, my dear reader, entertained.

I hope you have enjoyed this journey as much as I have, if not more, and are eagerly waiting for my next blog posting. Please send me your comments and let me know which aspects of (or postings in) my blog you liked, or didn't like! As they say in any feedback form: 'Your feedback is important to us'! I don't know if they mean it, but I surely do!

Oh yeah! One more thing. I don't use smileys in my blog postings, but just for a couple of you who have brought it to my notice, here goes one --> ;)

Cheers! Enjoy some Belly Dance!

________________________
* Did you know that the attention span of an average internet surfer makes even a goldfish feel better? Ya, its true! That's why there have been so many e-newspapers lately! You start to read a news story on one news-site, lose interest, go to another news-site and finish your story there, unwittingly! Here's a challenge for those nay-sayers: Try to read this news article in its entirety and in one sitting!

† Note: Even though Aamir is my creation, I have no right to choose his wives. I believe in Free-Will and, when it comes to marriage, the Law of Karma!

49. A Movie Trivia Question...

Just in case you choose my blog as the subject for BBC's Mastermind India, I have to put up some trivia once in a while so that Quizmaster Siddhartha Basu has some good questions to test your memorizing skills! So here goes one:

Q. Which is the only movie (to date) I have watched in a movie theater unaccompanied by my relatives/friends?

48. In the Name of Thy God in Dog-Heaven...

Mumbai, it seems, has woken up to the stray dog menace. Bruhan-Mumbai Municipal Corporation (BMC) Chief Jayraj Pathak has gone to the extent of saying, "Kill all stray dogs!"

BMC is now planning to appeal to the Supreme Court the right to "kill" this menace, which of course is opposed by dog lovers seated in lavish homes with 10 acres of backyard enclosed by 10 feet high compound walls and who have no one but their pomeranians to make them feel like the most important persons on this planet!

According to "unofficial" figures, there are about 2 lakh stray dogs in Mumbai alone! I think we should stop relying on 1990 census data (is someone maintaining this website?) and redo the counts this year. And this time, the survey questions should also include breed, creed, caste, race, religion by birth, religion by faith, religion by marriage, privileges enjoyed to-date based on minority quota, nationality (we don't want our tourism industry to lose their valued clients, do we?), educational qualification, bank balance and other assets, profession, value addition to the country, and so forth, barring gender (no gender bias, please!). That would help the BMC determine how many sterilization syringes to order, how many butchers to hire, and how many electrocution chairs to purchase; not to forget the imported vanilla coated dog biscuits for mutts with good Samaritan behavior, such as for this dog which saved a 7-year old boy named Dinakaran (that's the name of the boy, not the dog) when the Tsunami hit their town!

Meanwhile, I have just now received breaking news on my blueberry* from an unnamed source† in Mumbai: The dog lovers have sued BMC for calling them bitches! How insulting, imbecile, ironical!

___________
* I know you will say, "It's called blackberry, idiot!", but mind you, you haven't seen my berry yet!
† His father forgot to give him a name.

47. Behind Your Mask!

Lets listen to what Franco, the Clown, has to say in this less than 3 minutes long movie clip.

For some more interesting videos and other stuff from Nic Ascew, an English filmmaker, go to http://www.monday9am.tv/monday9amblog

46. The Morning Raga

Being the only child of my parents, sometimes I didn't find any other suitable candidate for my childhood pranks than, one of my parents! Luckily for them, I wasn't ordinarily mischievous. Extraordinarily mischievous? May be. You decide based on this prank.

It's early morning, around 6am. I am wide awake and go to the washbasin to brush my teeth. I am in my 4th or 5th Grade. My dad is yet to rise from bed.

Aha! An idea! Let's check out if my dad is able to notice a subtle change early in the morning.

Hmm!? Ya, my dad is to undergo a test now! All I do is swap the locations of two similar objects, which are placed in a tray in front of the washbasin mirror and in the brush holder. I now go about preparing for my ablutions waiting to hear from a surprised dad with mouth wide open, in just about 5 minutes.

As usual, my dad gets up after hearing me finish my washbasin formalities, eager to conquer the world, yet-another-day! He starts off the day with brushing his teeth.

I, fortunately or unfortunately, am not around at the time when the paste-laden toothbrush is inserted into the mouth, but I can very well imagine what would happen next.

Hey, why does this brush taste differently today? Such a thought arises in my dad's Cerebrum. Is it the brush, or the paste? Why so much froth?

With a feeling of getting up from the wrong side of the bed, my dad asks my mom, who is the earliest riser in the family, if she has changed anything. Without getting a satisfying answer from her, my dad again looks at the washbasin area, this time with eyes wide open and notices the subtle change!

'Yikes! I applied the shaving paste to my toothbrush! How the h**l did it get here?'

"R-A-J-E-N-D-R-A-A-A...!!!"

The siren! Yahoo! My test worked! My dad failed! Hip Hip Hurray!


Epilogue

As it was getting late for office, apart from uttering few felicitous vowel sounds in a loud and clear tone, my dad let me go. After that day this incident was never mentioned, not until now! My dad, who crossed 60 recently will have a pleasant surprise when he comes upon this web-page while browsing the net. Chances are, he will have a good laugh!

45. Ananda Gandha

Time to have a look at a new blog, and add to that blog's counter:

http://anandagandha.blogspot.com

Nithyanandam!